Life Interrupted...Dreams and Challenges, Love and Loss

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans”. This popular phrase is most often attributed to Beatles' singer John Lennon, though some say he was not the one that coined it. We all get it though… we make plans and then life and circumstances change, and we do our best to adapt and make room for whatever has come.

It has been eight months since I posted last. So many of my intended blog posts never made it into the computer. As I lament on this a bit, I must choose to let go of what didn’t happen, and just write about what did. A lot has happened since February… some of it good and some of it hard. Life interrupted by dreams and challenges, love and loss.

Dreams and Challenges

A good thing in the last six months is that our entrepreneurial daughter realized a dream she has had, that’s been eight years in the making. It took A LOT of hard work and tenacity (and a VILLAGE of people so generously lending their time and talents to help bring it to reality) but in July, she was able to open up a bakery storefront in the small mountain town where she attended college.

The journey was filled with many challenges which required facing and slaying some intimidating giants, overcoming obstacle after obstacle, working through some relational challenges, and even an “oops” trip to the urgent care for 10 stitches.

The journey was all-consuming. It was stressful and exhausting. It was also exciting and heartwarming to see so many family members and friends come together to help create a warm and inviting place for this mountain community to gather and connect with each other, while enjoying fresh-baked croissants and pastries.

Community, and family, and the overcoming of challenges together… some great things to celebrate over the last eight months. Life and plans interrupted to make room for something good… a dream fulfilled. Challenges overcome and more challenges to come… LIFE.

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Love and Loss

I am struck by the mix of events and emotions that make up this life we live. Much like a roller coaster with twists and turns, and highs and lows that can take our breath away, life is full of them. August 14, 2023 was a tender reminder of this.

On this day, while on a spiritual retreat in Glenwood Springs, I was awakened to a phone call from my daughter sharing the heartbreaking news that her good friend’s husband had passed away unexpectedly at the age of 26 years old. They had been married just a year and a half earlier and had a bright future ahead of them. This was the third friend in our daughter’s circle in the last two and a half years that had died way too young.

As I processed this news and prayed for all those affected by this sudden loss, I struggled to make sense of this unexpected turn of events. I drove to the nearby mountain town of Basalt. Thinking. Praying. A bit lost driving through a residential area, I came upon a roadside lemonade stand. As pensive as I was feeling, the sweet sight of two little girls pleadingly eyeing my approaching car, willing it to stop, was something I couldn’t ignore.

I swung to the curb to survey their merchandise, glad to discover that they weren’t just selling lemonade, but also some of their artwork. These cute little artists (maybe 6 or 7 years old) had created a variety of masterpieces to choose from, however one particular drawing caught my eye. In what seemed almost like a prophetic piece of art, one of them had drawn a tender picture of a little girl releasing a heart balloon to heaven.

Like the little girl in the picture, we’ve all had to do this at one time or another… release loved ones and other pieces of our hearts to heaven. Life is full of celebrations of love, and of life interrupted by tender moments of loss... LIFE.

Processing

So, when these moments come, how do we deal with these losses? Sometimes, we just don’t. It can be tempting to hide from the pain, pretend that it doesn’t hurt that much, and do our best to just keep going. Everyone deals with loss differently, but for me, I’m a processor. I need to sit with the emotions, feel them. Do something with them.

On August 14th, as I was praying and processing the news of this heartbreaking loss, I decided to try something different. I wrote a poem. My first one really. (Not the rhyming kind, though I’d like to try that more seriously one day). And as I wrote, and processed the pain and empathy I felt for all those who loved this young man, some perspective came. As I sat with the questions of “why” and all the emotions that went along with that, some measure of comfort came, somehow bringing with it a measure of strength and peace. God in the midst of it all.

Below is a link to the poem I wrote as I processed loss, love, and the inevitable heartache that the comes with it. I hadn’t planned on sharing what I wrote that day with anyone else but share it here now, in case it might somehow help someone else.

Click arrow to read poem: “Another Call”

Another Call

Another call no one wants to receive.

Difficult news.

Tragic news that has everyone reeling.

Oh no, not this. How can this be?

Minds race to process the news.

Sometimes it comes out of nowhere. Sometimes it’s expected.

Either way, everything is different now.

Our human hearts are broken.

Our human minds seek to make some sense of it… to understand.

But there’s no understanding this.

We hurt for those that hurt.

We want to comfort… to offer the right words.

We try.

Sometimes it ends up being the wrong words.

No matter how hard we try.

So many times, there are no right words for this kind of pain.

We offer shared tears. And a hug if the person that suffering is near.

It’s harder when they’re far away because words fall short.

So we do what we can. We listen and cry and pray.

We can do those things.

That’s something, right?

Pray.

Sometimes it doesn't feel like enough.

But somewhere deep inside, I know it’s not a small thing.

It can’t be, for without it… without God, how will everyone make it through this?

A despairing, hopeless voice tries to convince me that praying is small.

That it won’t make a difference.

That there’s no recovering from this.

That this thing… this pain is too big.

That God doesn’t care.

My experience tells me that’s not true.

Deep down I know that God is still loving and faithful and good.

That there is hope in the midst of despair, and pain, and loss.

That evidence of God’s goodness is still out there.

That the pain will lessen. That we will all make it through this.

And I know that’s true…

Somewhere deep inside.

But still, this?

How do we make sense of this?

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Yet, we live in a broken world. A fallen world…

Where sickness and pain and death are a part of life.

Sometimes it’s our own fault. Sometimes not.

Free will and poor choices bring consequences.

And accidents? What about those?

Is someone to blame?

Sometimes we think knowing where to place blame makes it easier.

But does it really?

Sometimes we can’t work through the pain on our own.

Or we hold onto it and bitterness and unforgiveness takes root.

What then?

Bitterness and unforgiveness.

They are like poison that erodes us from the inside out.

I don’t ever want that…

Not for anybody.

What if no one is to blame?

Sometimes it’s just an accident.

What then?

All these questions are too heavy for me.

Sometimes there are just no answers.

Somehow, we need to find a way to be ok with that.

We need to bring our pain and leave our lack of understanding with God.

At least that’s what I need to do.

When we do this, He meets us in those places.

Sometimes we feel Him sooner. Sometimes later…

When the emotions aren’t so raw and the pain so overwhelming.

When we’re ready to let Him in or are too exhausted to resist.

So what do we do with all this?

For me, I pray. And choose to believe.

And trust that God will bring what is needed.

Even when He seems far away.

I choose to hold tight to His promises…

That He is near and that He heals the brokenhearted.

That He rescues those who are crushed in spirit.

That He comforts those who mourn.

That somehow, He will bring beauty and something good from the ashes and pain.

And I find reassurance that one day, all pain and suffering will fade away.

And we’ll live in peace and joy in heaven, forever with Jesus.

For those who believe and receive His gift.

As I ponder all this, I know that at some point, there will be another call.

Another painful loss or circumstance or person who is hurting.

Because with LOVE comes PAIN.

We can’t love without also hurting at some point.

They go together.

Would I give up LOVE to avoid the pain that inevitably comes with it?

No, because what would life be without LOVE?

Without others to share in the joys, and the beauty, and the adventures?

Without others to share in the challenges and the pain of living in this messy world?

To give up the PAIN, we’d have to give up the LOVE.

And that’s something we must never do.

So yes, even though another call will inevitably come, I will answer it.

I will be there for those I love, and I will hurt when they hurt.

And I will listen and cry and pray.

And we will walk out the journey together… whatever is to come.

And I hope they will do the same for me.

For that is what LOVE does…

It answers the call.

By Holly Atzenbeck August 14, 2023

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To Ponder Until Next Time:

• Is there a loss you still need to grieve… something you need to process, acknowledge, or let go of in order to find release and peace surrounding the loss? If you are a praying person, consider bringing this to God, asking Him to meet you, and bring truth and healthy outlets to help you process.
  

• Is there a dream or desire for your life that inspires and is life-giving to you? If so, what is one step you can take toward that dream or goal? OR is there someone else in your life that has a dream that you can come alongside and encourage in achieving their dream or goal?